Of Fears and Cannots

Meet Tonka. Tonka is a little horse my horse trainer and I rescued. Tonka has a buck. He bucks and bucks and bucks and he is also a spooky horse who gets startled easily. I am not very confident when horses buck. However, the way things unfolded was that I ended up being the one riding and retraining this horse. I had to deal with my fears because the only way to get Tonka to stop bucking, was to sit the bucks and keep riding, so the association “bucking=rider comes off= work is over” gets reprogrammed in his brain into “no matter what I do rider stays on so I am just going to be a good boy”!

What I realized riding this sweetheart is that every buck I sat made me stronger, in my rider’s seat as well as in my rider’s mind. I quickly realized that I could actually sit the bucks quite well. I ended up getting the horse started on trails (something definitely scary at first) and riding him alone around the country, ignoring his spookiness and having lots of fun with him. Do not think it was easy. I had to acknowledge the voice of fear without acting on it and trust the horse (he ended up being quite a good boy if he could trust his rider but he couldn’t trust a fearful rider, he needed a confident one). This little horse enabled me to ride more difficult horses with a lot more self-confidence than I had before. There is a mine of opportunities for riders who can ride horses other riders cannot!

I have few regrets in my life. They all have to deal with experiences I did not have because I chickened out before they could happen. I am not talking about the healthy inner voice which has kept me out of trouble many times. I am talking about things I was too afraid to do, usually for fear of failure, fear of success, or fear of being happy.

Dealing with my fear makes me stronger and more powerful. Avoiding my fear puts out my inner fire and makes it even harder to try the next time.

And how do we become better at confronting our fears? We practice. We start with something small, which is not too threatening. One of my clients started with telling the butcher she didn’t want that piece of meat he was trying to dump on her. She had the disease of people pleasing and this was very difficult for her. After little experiences she moved unto telling someone in her team she thought it would be beneficial to review the presentation they were preparing and perfect it. Next, she told her boss she would like to take on a project which involved more responsibilities, and she later said no to a new project she really did not have time for.

When my clients have issues around their social life they start by inviting a friend for dinner, then maybe they will organize a small gathering at their house, then move unto more daring endeavors such as asking newish friends if they want to go out for drinks.

Whatever it is, we start small, and we remember that practice makes better. And yes, signing up for a cooking class when we feel stupid with an apron will impact our whole life, because when my clients do it, their inner fire will grow, and will be there for them when they are on stage trying to close a contract, or asking their boss for a promotion.

And challenges keep life interesting! Just try!  Remember also there is always help if you need an advocate and mentor! I am happy to help!