Have you read The Little House on the Prairie series? Laura Ingalls Wilder relates her childhood as a young pioneer, with her parents at first, and husband later. Her parents were strict but kind, there were clear rules established in the house and the rare kids who lived around lived by the same rules. It was pretty black and white: young parents would do the same as their parents did and the whole community had the same rules. Then modern psychology came by, no more spanking, no more punishing, no more kids sent to bed without dinner… then what? We were left to figure out where to stand in this pool of greys, from almost black to almost white. Time outs were the thing, then time outs where no longer recommended. Positive parenting, disciplining parenting, screen time, kids food vs adult food, ADHD, spectrum, gender identity, private schools vs public schools, it is only getting more and more complicated. And what happens when things are complicated? We become anxious that we might be making mistakes and hindering our children’s development. So, what to do?
In my opinion, it is good to start with a deep breath. Then let’s try to use good judgement by really paying attention to our kids to see what works and what does not work: kids aren’t theories, they are practical. If the kid gets wired after the 20-minute math app, turn off the app and count together. If your child won’t read a paper book but reads on the tablet and is advancing well, then allow it, things will change, the child will become interested in paper books. Remember what worked and what didn't work for you as a child, observe if it is true with your child today.
Then let go. We are imperfect. We are imperfect beings, we are imperfect friends, spouses and we are imperfect parents. We ourselves grew up with imperfect parents and we are still alive. The kids pf psychotherapists end up in psychotherapy also. So spend time with your kids away from screens, share a meal, a game, or a physical activity and give yourself a pat in the back. You have done what helps kids grow. They will be imperfect, they will resent you, they will complain about everything you have done, no matter what… until they have kids themselves and realize it is not so easy!
Still finding it hard to forgive yourself and love you just the way you are? I can help you. Sometimes it takes a little help and practice!